Researchers at Emory University now have concrete proof that teachers who spank their students’ parents consistently obtain positive pedagogical results. “It totally works,” gushed renowned neuroscientist Sanjay Gupta. “When your student misbehaves, just ask for their mother and father and… Read More ›
Saying that he is tired of Asian girls who hold up victory signs for no reason, lonely high school teacher Suk-Leng Wang 王色龍, 26, embarks on a futile mission to find suitable women online. “It is a sad fact that… Read More ›
Peering at girls from behind his laptop and right-swiping every Tinder profile he sees, 22-year-old Ronald Dump sat in the back of a coffee shop in the hopes of seducing some woman–any woman. He learned, after sitting at the same spot… Read More ›
BLOGOSPHERE—Saying that she’s bored of every WordPress blog except her own, successful blogger Sheryl Sans-Blurb reads her own blog posts dozens of times a day, guffawing maniacally between moments of barely suppressed giggles. “I love reading my own stuff because it’s… Read More ›
FREETOWN, MA–Somehow managing to simultaneously snorkel and snort cocaine, Sarah Sandoval, 23, announced that she is “finally happy and free” after her boyfriend, Richard Weiner, 26, broke up with her. “I want you to be happy and free,” he told… Read More ›
Dear Principal John, I regret to inform you that there have been several incidents of student misconduct in our school yet again. At 10:15 a.m. this Tuesday, four of my students engaged in disruptive behavior for which they deserve detention…. Read More ›
TAICHUNG–The Bald Beagle is proud to announce that Colin Brown, principal of the American School in Taichung, Taiwan, has officially been named the Sexiest Man Alive. Widely regarded by students, colleagues, and janitors as “that hot dude with the upside-down… Read More ›
REDDITSPEHERE–After her owner posted a photo of her on Reddit, Brownie the Dog garnered more than 1.2 million upvotes and received a massive dopamine hit on which she overdosed. “Woof!” she reportedly explained, moments before she OD-ed. Brownie was sent… Read More ›
Nashville, TN—More than 300 parents gathered outside the University School of Nashville on Friday, protesting against the school’s tendency to train students to become too polite. Wielding a giant protest sign, parent Clarisse Gomez said, “Our children become progressively polite, and this leads to a wide variety of problems. They become mindless twats who don’t […]
“But bullshit is funny sometimes!” my philosophy professor once said. “No, it’s not,” I retorted. I’ve written a lot about how morally reprehensible bullshit is, but over the years, I’ve come to think that my professor is right: bullshit is… Read More ›
In his philosophical work “On Bullshit,” Harry Frankfurt famously defined the term “bullshit” as, roughly, an indifference to the truth. He also elaborated on an important difference between lying and bullshitting. Liars attempt to deceive you by representing as false… Read More ›
I go to uptowner store to buy a french fry and i say give me a french fry i want french fry how much?’ the yellow hair man say ‘five bucks’ i give him money he say something to his… Read More ›
THE BLOGOSPHERE—After two years of severe depression and five Xanaxes consumed at 3:30 in the morning, Ronald Dump is back. “This is my calling,” announced Dump. “I write. Period!” Dump explains that he found his calling thanks not only to… Read More ›
I ran into Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and its summary, Summary of the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck recently. I’m not done with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck yet,… Read More ›
The Bald Beagle 