Researchers at Emory University now have concrete proof that teachers who spank their students’ parents consistently obtain positive pedagogical results. “It totally works,” gushed renowned neuroscientist Sanjay Gupta. “When your student misbehaves, just ask for their mother and father and… Read More ›
Saying that he is tired of Asian girls who hold up victory signs for no reason, lonely high school teacher Suk-Leng Wang 王色龍, 26, embarks on a futile mission to find suitable women online. “It is a sad fact that… Read More ›
Peering at girls from behind his laptop and right-swiping every Tinder profile he sees, 22-year-old Ronald Dump sat in the back of a coffee shop in the hopes of seducing some woman–any woman. He learned, after sitting at the same spot… Read More ›
BLOGOSPHERE—Saying that she’s bored of every WordPress blog except her own, successful blogger Sheryl Sans-Blurb reads her own blog posts dozens of times a day, guffawing maniacally between moments of barely suppressed giggles. “I love reading my own stuff because it’s… Read More ›
After I wrote my previous post about bullshit on my Facebook wall, 37 people reacted to my post. At one point, someone expressed his displeasure for the amount of swearing I do. That would’ve been fine had the person not… Read More ›
Ten years ago, I read Harry Frankfurt’s famous essay “On Bullshit” in an introductory logic course taught by a wonderful professor whom I shall not name for fear of kissing ass. Because of that course, I began studying the topic of bullshit. I wrote an honors thesis on bullshit, and though I ended up writing the second half of the thesis drunk, I still kicked ass and graduated.
TAICHUNG–While millions of less fortunate Americans are cooped up in their homes, thousands of Taiwanese assholes are currently having the time of their life, drinking Corona in a popular park in downtown Taichung, Taiwan. Yet despite flouting half the Coronavirus… Read More ›
TAICHUNG–Four members of the infamous Taiwanese motorcycle gang Hell’s Angles have been arrested on charges of speeding and other less serious misdemeanors such as drug trafficking, prostitution, and extortion. The Angles, also known as the 90-Degree Hot Rods, started out… Read More ›
THE OCEAN–Saying that he has had enough of “this bullshark,” class clownfish Nemo was sent to detention for swearing at his schoolmates, calling a longtime friend a “punk-ass fish” and telling cephalopods who camouflage themselves to “stop squirting ink and… Read More ›
Tokyo–A new study done at Tokyo University has confirmed what many jazz musicians have suspected for years: looking like a crazy person improves jazz performance. The new paper, entitled, “Appearing Insane to Optimize Scooby Dooby Doo Daa, Doo Wop: Bebop… Read More ›
Nashville–Alarmed by wizards’ ability to abort fetuses with the wave of a wand, pro-life lawmakers in Tennessee passed a law that bans abortion for muggles and wizards. “We know that if you ban muggle abortion, muggles will get abortions anyway… Read More ›
CYBERSPACE–Saying that he has not written anything good in months, aspiring writer Jack Torrance, 41, overcame writer’s block for five fucking minutes after reading internet tips on overcoming writer’s block. “It’s terrific, these YouTube people and shit,” remarked Torrance. “They… Read More ›
Ingredients 4 cups all-purpose flour, divided 2 tablespoons garlic salt 1 tablespoon paprika 3 teaspoons pepper, divided 2-1/2 teaspoons poultry seasoning 2 large eggs 1-1/2 cups water 1 teaspoon salt 2 broiler/fryer chickens (3-1/2 to 4 pounds each), cut up… Read More ›
CYBERSPACE–After his credit card company mistook a WordPress premium subscription for an “unauthorized transaction,” impoverished WordPress user Ronald Dump decides to write again. “They took away my domain and now I’m left with a shitty blog URL,” lamented Dump. “I… Read More ›
