Immaculate conception: male Christians give birth to stellar soccer team
TAICHUNG, TAIWAN—On Sunday, two male soccer coaches at the Morrison Academy gave birth to a stellar soccer team consisting of 19 male teenagers. No sooner had coaches Abraham Sbardolini, 36, and Sera Sera, 48—both of whom were frustrated by what they perceived to be an incompetent soccer team—prayed zealously for a better soccer team than the latter experienced excruciating pain in his lower abdomen.
Sbardolini said that he “felt it kick a few times” before he underwent labor, during which a Morrison student promptly rushed to a school nurse to fetch a stretcher. According to Sera, The student single-handedly dragged the coach-laden, 200-pound stretcher across five miles of asphalt before giving up and abandoning both the stretcher and the coach before the hospital.
Sera, however, was not so lucky. “I didn’t know my water had broken until I felt it running down my legs,” said Sera. “It was so intense.”
Upon seeing Sera, students and faculty hijacked a Honda Civic, pushing Sera into the backseat before driving him to the China Medical University Hospital. Obstetricians performed a Caesarian section as Sera screamed, “Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!”
Ultimately, the nineteen sons were delivered without incident. They were promptly baptized and indoctrinated into Evangelical Protestantism. They are all named Isaac.