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Law professor resolves to stare at blank wall until retirement

Carol Swain attempts to stare at a blank wall as her name materializes in cursive

NASHVILLE—Vanderbilt University law professor Carol Swain resolves to stare at a blank wall until she retires. In an attempt to come up with a good idea for her upcoming screenplay for the Netflix original, How to Get Away with Trolling, she began to stare at a blank wall in the David K. Wilson Hall at 8:00 a.m. yesterday, but gave up after two minutes due to mental exhaustion. Disoriented, Swain stumbled into an auditorium filled with 296 undergraduates who were gawking at a screen in a Human Sexuality course taught by Dr. Leslie Smith.

Swain has been on a trolling spree for the past two years, during which she made a wide variety of incendiary remarks. “All Nazi zombies are Shiite Muslims,” she reportedly said. “And all Zionists are from Zion, but I don’t like anyone, including myself. And that’s not climate change.”

According to The Tennessean, Swain will soon retire from Vanderbilt. She will continue to stare at a blank wall until she retires.

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