WHAT COUNTRY, CA—Park Rangers were alerted to two men who traded heroin for hamburgers at a picnic in What Country, California on Saturday afternoon. The Rangers notified What Country Police, who promptly detained a hamburger vendor for questioning.
Witnesses reported that the drug dealers at one point brandished submachine guns to threaten hamburger eaters. When witnesses screamed, the two men panicked and drove off in a 1992 Acura NSX.
“They seemed to have a peculiar obsession with hamburgers,” a witness told reporters. “One man ranted and raved about Big Kahuna burgers and said something about a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, and then they pulled out guns and scared the bejeezus out of us.”
What Country Police warn that the suspects are still at large and are armed and dangerous. They were last spotted at the White Castle on 21st and Broadway.