WHITE PINE BAY, OR—Local eye candy Norman Bates cannot believe that he has had no luck on the popular dating app Tinder, despite the fact that he has been right swiping everyone for two months straight.
Seeking romance and adventure, the handsome Bates, 22, began to use Tinder two months ago to look for potential mates. He would be sorely disappointed.
“I even adjusted my settings and maximized the distance and everything, and then I changed it so I’m open to dating people who are up to 99 years old,” he told reporters.
Bates also stated that he is open to meeting both men and women, and he just does not understand why people are not into him. “My mother took all my Tinder photos, so I’m sure they make me look attractive. So why am I still single?” he bemoaned.
Though crestfallen, the White Pine Bay resident clung to a glimmer of hope that he may find a match in a local speed dating event to be held in the White Pine Bay Community College. He stated that, in the meantime, he will “up his game” in Tinder by adding photos that show the deepness and complexity of his intriguing, fun, and multifaceted personality.