One eggplant slowly recovers from discoloration, begins to talk

Vanessa Wong

One of the two eggplants to take on human form on Friday, “Vanessa,” has regained some of its original color and begun to move a mouth-like orifice.

MIAOLI, TAIWAN—One of the two eggplants that unexpectedly took on a humanoid shape last Friday is slowly regaining its normal hue.

In what scientists think is the most curious scientific anomaly of the millennium, two eggplants, named “Vanessa” and “Angel” by residents in Miaoli, became abnormally engorged and deformed, taking on the shape of the human species. While scientists regarded the incident with suspicion and warned people not to consume the eggplants, Miaoli residents welcomed the transformation, calling it a “miraculous godsend.”

Since Friday, the eggplant “Vanessa” has been regaining its original color. Botanist Li Chie-Chih (李茄子) from the National Chengchi University in Taipei said, “Although ‘Vanessa’ has not gone back entirely to aubergine, she has taken on lighter shades of purple and indigo, mottled by white spots that may or may not be mold.”

An unexpected development: “Vanessa”  has formed a hole that vaguely resembles the human mouth. Although the “mouth” has begun to move, nothing resembling human language besides a couple of phonemes have come out of the orifice.

Scientists are beginning to suspect that the eggplant-humanoid transmogrification that transpired on Friday may have been the result of a genetic mutation that causes what experts call Aubergine Satanic Syndrome (ASS). Multiple universities across the nation are vying for research grants to shed light on this potential scientific breakthrough.

Categories: Science

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