High-maintenance demon Baxaxaxa hires child to regain popularity.

NEW ORLEANS—Thought to have been consigned to oblivion three millennia ago, the attention-seeking demon Baxaxaxa made a last-ditch attempt to reenter our collective consciousness with the help of a kindergartner.

Lotta Becker, 5, summoned Baxaxaxa last summer when she inadvertently babbled the demon’s name. Little did she know that she would summon a high-maintenance supernatural entity who suffers from poor emotional management. “Last year, it told me I have to scare Daddy,” she said. “It told me to draw scary pictures of Daddy with lots of ropes and things.”

The five-year-old said that the demon “didn’t like the picture” and demanded that she draw another one. She complied, but it said that those pictures weren’t scary enough. It then told the child to wear long dark hair and a white nightgown, but the child rebuffed its requests. Offended by the girl’s disobedience, the demon harassed the family with phone calls, destroyed the family’s fine mahogany furniture, and burned down their house.

creepy child drawing
High-maintenance demon Baxaxaxa complained that Lotta Becker’s drawings were not scary enough.

“The thing about an emotionally sensitive entity like Baxaxaxa is that it thrives on people’s attention,” said self-styled paranormal expert Esther Dunbar. “It just loves to scare people. Any reaction to their threats shows that you care about them, and that makes them feel loved and secure.”

The demon has not made an appearance since Thursday morning, and Lotta’s parents were happy to report that their child has miraculously begun to speak a foreign language. “Isn’t our little munchkin the smartest?” they cooed.

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