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Musicians know tone-deaf rich people pretend to like jazz

NEW ORLEANS—Many tone-deaf, affluent audiences pretend to enjoy jazz, and their pearl necklaces and tailored suits aren’t fooling musicians.

Weary of their listeners’ tone-deafness, musicians decided to gather concrete evidence of their audiences’ musical illiteracy on Monday. During a live performance at the famous Snug Harbor Jazz Bistro, performing musicians pop quizzed a few millionaires and their family members at the scene, asking them to name chords that were just played. A surgeon in the audience reportedly replied, “Given the intimate nature of the Mozart-esque piece you just played, I’d say it is the umbilical cord.”

To serious jazz performers, this state of affairs is no laughing matter. In fact, some jazz artists would consider it an affront to an art form that they have taken years, if not decades, to perfect.

“To many people, jazz is at best background music for posh restaurants and expensive dates,” said one jazz pianist. “But these people don’t understand just how incredibly sophisticated good jazz music can be compared to the schlock some self-professed improvisers peddle. Richard Clayderman? The Piano Guys? What the fuck kind of juvenile pablum is that? If I were to play some of that kind of bullshit at a steakhouse, those motherfuckers would still tap their feet.”

 

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