Churches offer free apostate exams to men over 50

Concerned about the recent upswing in religious skepticism, churches are offering free apostate exams to men over 50.

The Digital Rector Exam (DRE), more commonly known as the apostate exam, is an internal examination of one’s soul, performed by a religious authority figure. The procedure was traditionally done by rectors, administrative leaders in certain Christian denominations.

“An apostate exam should be conducted once every six months,” said Rev. Samuel Alexander, as he inserted a finger into an elderly patient’s soul. “Most men over 50 have gone through a lot of stress in their lives, and sometimes multiple crises. They sometimes question God’s existence, and are at higher risk of defecating [sic].”

Apostasy first became formally criminalized in the 4th century, when the Roman Empire adopted a set of laws known as the Theodosian Code. While apostasy in Christianity is no longer a criminal offense, it is still worrisome to serious believers.

Religious leaders of Islam and Judaism are reportedly emulating the churches’ success, and are in the planning stages of setting up apostate exams in mosques and synagogues.

Categories: Lifestyle, Science

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