Kenny G assaults Delta passengers with nonconsensual sax
Los Angeles—Trapped in an airplane flying at 39,000 ft, Delta passengers failed to escape the unsolicited advances of Kenny Gorelick, more commonly known by his sobriquet Kenny G.
The frizzy-haired multimillionaire took advantage of a turbulent flight in which passengers were hopelessly strapped to their chairs. Having violated the passengers’ eardrums, Mr. Gorelick made overtures to the flight attendants, who ran into the cockpit and stayed there until the sax predator finally chilled out and returned to his seat.
“I had to wait until Kenny G was back at his designated spot,” cried stewardess Miles Coltrane. “Oh God, I can’t believe he did that to me!”
“Kenny G harassed me multiple times on that flight,” said renowned pianist Dick Hyman. “He said he’d blow if I’d donate money to charity. I told him I don’t like the sound of that, and then he asked if I like phone sax. What obscenity!”
Delta apologized for the incident this morning, and assured everyone that they will “re-accommodate” Mr. Gorelick next time he attempts to engage in nonconsensual sax.