Blogger seeks to regain popularity, writes bullshit
CYBERSPACE—Desperately seeking to regain an audience after going on a one-week hiatus, a blogger begins to post bullshit.
College-educated cafe intellectual Ellen Degenerate, 29, had been blogging for two months. In a matter of weeks, the average number of daily visitors to her blog more than doubled (from 1 visitor to 3).
Complacent with her success, Ms. Degenerate stopped posting daily, opting instead to engage, with fellow cafe-goers and college kids, in stimulating conversations fueled by coffee and Adderall.
She wrote: “The development of semaphores is a robust issue. In this paper, we demonstrate the exploration of the World Wide Web, which embodies the theoretical principles of artificial intelligence. In this work we motivate a signed tool for controlling the producer-consumer problem (DimArdor), proving that congestion control and expert systems can interfere to answer this obstacle.”
Ms. Degenerate meticulously chose tags that she thought would best boost readership, and even advertised her post on Facebook. So far, no one has read—let alone liked—her post.
“That’s not a surprise, I guess,” she muttered. “The writing is bullshit anyway. It’s shit. It’s horseshit. Whatever you wanna call it. I just post shit by using the MIT random paper generator.”
In spite of her deflated ego, Ms. Degenerate resolves to reattain her short-lived success in the blogosphere by writing more bullshit. She encourages fellow demoralized bloggers who aspire to her recently lost level of fame to do the same.
Ms. Degenerate is currently working on another blog post, provisionally entitled, “Famous Quotes about Chocolate Cake Recipes.”