WASHINGTON—After President Donald Trump fired FBI Director James Comey, the Putin spokesperson claimed that Russia did not meddle with the 2016 presidential erection.
“That’s Trump’s problem,” said Dmitry Prekov, Kremlin Press Secretary. “We have nothing to do with it. We’re sure you guys can maintain your own presidential erections. This is a U.S. internal affair, so we’re sure it’s all in your head.”
The comment came after Comey, who was heading a probe that examined alleged collusion between Trump’s 2016 campaign and the Kremlin, was dismissed Tuesday by the president. “The fucker really shafted me there,” said Comey. “Him and those damn Russians.”
While reasonable Americans believe that Comey’s dismissal has something to do with the investigation into Trump’s potential collusion with Russia, not every American is reasonable.
“The American people can trust us to hold dependable erections that are fair and accessible to the public,” said former congressman Anthony Weiner.
Beagle reporters were arrested when they attempted to question the President while he was golfing at the Mar-a-Lago estate. “You’re breaking my concentration!” he cried. “Every stroke counts!”
The President reportedly set his official business aside after playing golf, and returned to his room to watch the TV show, “Keeping it up with the Kardashians.”