ALBUQUERQUE—A methamphetamine manufacturer tried to kill a cockroach by means of chemical disincorporation. He failed to do so, and is still looking for a polyurethane container big enough to fit the cockroach.
After accidentally breaking a bad fly swatter, Jamie Yeoman, 25, took a bottle of hydrochloric acid off the shelf, squirting it at a gargantuan Madagascar cockroach that contaminated his hitherto immaculate laboratory. Although aggressive, his tactic was far from lethal, and the cockroach, which as a species is said to be able to withstand 2,000 times the amount of radiation considered lethal for humans, absconded unscathed.
“That lab is, like, my private domicile, yo,” he said. “Bitch.”
The chemist is still searching for a polyurethane container big enough to fit the cockroach. On the bottom of the container should be stamped the letters “LDPE.”
If you have any potentially helpful information for Mr. Yeoman, please call 148-3, 3-to-the-3-to-the-6-to-the-9, representing the ABQ. Waddup, beyotch? Leave it at the tone.