Breaking News

Surgeon General warns young women pouring antifreeze on tampons

WASHINGTON—The U.S. Surgeon General called for action to reduce the number of tampon users using antifreeze as a blood substitute, noting antifreeze has been the liquid of choice among those who use tampons for the past few decades.

The nation’s top gynecologist, Dr. Stephanie Miracle, cautioned women who engage in such risky behavior. She states, “Ethylene glycol, or antifreeze, is poisonous and is not a safe alternative to menstrual blood. Its sweet taste can lead to accidental ingestion or allow its deliberate use as a murder weapon. Antifreeze is difficult to detect in the body, but can severely damage the brain, heart, lungs, and kidneys. Preliminary studies suggest that antifreeze has deleterious effects on the reproductive system.”

Tamponologists attribute the rise in the number of women using antifreeze during menstruation to the spate of false and misleading commercials that have plagued American and international television for the past few decades. They also urge the pubic school system to initiate or bolster sex ed programs.

About Bald Beagle (73 Articles)
We are a satirical news source that welcomes contributors of all shapes and sizes. We love you. Will you love us back?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: