NEW YORK—Eager to take the world by storm, a young graduate of a prestigious liberal arts college carries a difficult book in public every day, painstakingly ensuring that the book cover is somewhat visible to passersby at all times.
21-year-old Carrie Campbell stated, “As a general rule, you want to place the book cover at a 32-degree angle from your face and two inches below your eyes. This way, the hoi polloi can see what you’re reading and I can scan my surroundings to see if they’re glancing at what I’m reading.
“You want to be subtle. You don’t want to place the book parallel to your face because it’ll look like you’re trying too hard. Retro glasses are generally okay, but you want to be careful with them because they’ve been misappropriated by hipsters and you don’t want to be mistaken for a pseudointellectual.
“Also, it’s hard to make standing people see what you’re reading, especially if you’re sitting down or if they’re walking around. In this case, you want to stand up and casually place the book between the index finger and thumb of the hand that’s facing your spectator. Don’t block the title of the book. Especially if the book is in a foreign language.
“If all else fails, wear your college t-shirt and be sure that, if anyone else in public wears clothing from some school that’s higher ranked than yours, carry three other books to show them you’re definitely more academic.
“Don’t ever read The Fault in Our Stars or Divergent or any of those YA novels. You have to show them you’re mature, or no one will take you seriously.”