Nashville–Alarmed by wizards’ ability to abort fetuses with the wave of a wand, pro-life lawmakers in Tennessee passed a law that bans abortion for muggles and wizards. “We know that if you ban muggle abortion, muggles will get abortions anyway with the help of wizards. So, we banned abortions for wizards too. Using magic to perform abortions is just as unbiblical as using modern medicine,” says Republican congressman John Hooker.
Though Hooker’s sentiment is echoed by scores of other politicians, doctors and biology professors object. Vanderbilt Professor of bioethics Dr. Dick Longhair explained that such “moralistic justifications hold no water given that the requirements for personhood are infinitely more demanding than a heartbeat, be it wizard or non-wizard.” He adds, “For the layman, this means that Hooker and his ilk can STFU and read a goddamn book.”
Experts predict that there will be a sharp increase in illegal muggle abortions. They add that there is insufficient data to accurately predict future trends in wizard abortions, because wizards are too sneaky with their magic to be predictable.
Categories: Politics
The Bald Beagle 
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