Thousands of assholes enjoy picnic while holding their noses amid pandemic

TAICHUNG–While millions of less fortunate Americans are cooped up in their homes, thousands of Taiwanese assholes are currently having the time of their life, drinking Corona in a popular park in downtown Taichung, Taiwan. Yet despite flouting half the Coronavirus guidelines imposed by Taiwan’s Center for Disease Control, not one person has gotten ill from COVID-19 thanks to everyone’s exceptional ability to hold their breath for hours on end. In fact, strangers have been seen making out in public, and at least twelve senior citizens–who are most at risk of dying from a COVID-19 infection–have celebrated their sense of invincibility by participating in an orgy that spontaneously erupted in the middle of a crowd. “We Taiwanese don’t give a fuck,” said a 65-year-old orgy member known only as Brother Wang, as he reenacted a bit of the fun he just had by thrusting his pelvis. He added, “We won’t have any more new COVID-19 cases. You just wait, baby. You just wait.”

taichung picnic

This isn’t a pandemic photo, if that’s what you were thinking.

Categories: Culture

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