I ran into Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and its summary, Summary of the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck recently. I’m not done with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck yet, but I have been thinking that the gist of the book makes a lot of sense. I got four ideas out of it:

1. If you don’t give a fuck, don’t pretend to give a fuck.
2. If you give a fuck, don’t pretend not to give a fuck.
3. You have a limited number of fucks to give; give them wisely and selectively, in accordance to the values that are important to you.
4. If you are not sure whether you should give a fuck, then you probably shouldn’t give a fuck.

This is just a less bullshitty (or more bullshitty? I’m not sure, so who gives a fuck?) way of rehashing the following Stoic/Buddhist/Christian/Jewish/Islamic belief, encapsulated by the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I will admit that I, an avowed atheist, once stepped into a church after giving way too many fucks, and I cried like a baby and recited this prayer. By heart.

But I didn’t give a fuck about the rest of it all…the psalms, the stained glass windows, the pews, etc.; so, I told myself I’m not a real Christian (or maybe I am, and god/God, if he/He exists, knows everything, including the metaphysics of whether I’m a Christian? Should I capitalize the word “god”? I’m not sure, so who gives a fuck?), walked out, and told few souls about my religious experience there.

Another reason I chose to walk out of that church is that Stoicism/Cynicism/Buddhism/Christianity/Judaism/Islam does not have a monopoly on this simple idea that we should just accept everything shitty about this world and change the shit we can. A Mother Goose Rhyme says the same thing. Same goes for a very effective, scientifically proven psychiatric treatment known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). (It’s all on Wikipedia. If you give a fuck, you’ll look it up. If you’re not sure whether it’s worth your time to look it up, then you probably shouldn’t give a fuck since you have more important shit to do, so don’t pretend to give a fuck by looking it up.)

The only major difference is number 4: If you are not sure whether you should give a fuck, then you probably shouldn’t give a fuck.

In less vulgar language, this is known in Stoicism as ‘equanimity’ (it’s a word for a type of calm). Since learning that in college, I‘d always wondered why not knowing shit should make someone calm. You see, if I have no idea whether McDonald’s is open, or if my wife is cheating on me, or if I have a horrible brain disease, or if my answer to a math question is correct, then I should be the opposite of calm…I should…freak out, right?

Not necessarily. It all depends on whether I want that shit. Who wants McDonald’s? Who wants a wife or husband? Who wants to have a healthy brain for a long time? Who wants to get that math question right? Who wants to be calm? Who wants friends? Who wants to fuck a pornstar? Most people do. I know I want all of that shit.

Why? Because most people are entitled pieces of shit who want a fuckton more than they need, and many unconsciously and masterfully protect their fragile ego with a defense mechanism known as DENIAL, which then convinces them that they really DO deserve all of that shit, and so they want MORE, and they become self-entitled jerks. If you don’t believe me, this is the way my brain works:

Yeah. I’m a fucking self-entitled jerk. Because I think I know better than you and you have to read my Words of Wisdom on my blog which you found on my self-entitled Facebook page or WordPress Reader, and this is good for you, because I care about you; you are my friend; you are my everything, so I think it’s very important that you read what I write. If you don’t wanna read, that’s okay; you’re probably busy doing more important things.

Five minutes later…

Wait a minute, no. I’m not a self-entitled jerk. And you are not doing anything important. You’re probably reading this on some stupid social media site right now! What are you talking about? How can I be so ignorant as to be a self-entitled jerk who writes unimportant shit, if I have a shiny college degree? I worked my ass off to get that college degree, and I really wanna help you, my friend! I once went for 36 sleepless hours just to finish an English paper for Stephanie Pruitt. My mom sent me to college, and she’s been working her ass off too. God sent me to college. Fate sent me to college. It was the Cosmos that sent me to college, and the Cosmos determines the order of things, and right now, the Cosmic Order is saying “I’m right. You’re wrong,” and who are you to deny GOD and the COSMOS?! Who are you to deny ME! I GOT AN A+ IN LOGIC CLASS! WHY DID THE ADMINISTRATION TAKE THE + AWAY! FUCKING BITCH! SUCK MY DICK! AND LICK MY FUCKING ASSHOLE WHILE YOU’RE AT IT! FUCK YOU!

See what I did there? No? That’s because you suck. Fuck you. Eat a dick. But you won’t. No one would. Except my wife. I love her. And she loves me because she thinks I’m smart. And I love her too, so who needs you anyway. FUCK OFF! I’M SMART!

And so when people give that many fucks about McDonald’s/Wife/Brain/Math Answer/Calm/Friends/Pornstar, they expect others to reward them, and how are they rewarded? They get fuck-all! They end up with a shitty, undercooked burger one day and a fake-ass girlfriend who likes to pop sleeping pills to fuck with your emotions and they find out that their brain is made of turd and that their math teacher from the 6th grade was wrong and that they can’t calm down and they pace back and forth in their room thinking about shit or they sulk on the couch because the world sometimes sucks and so nobody wants to be their friends and the pornstars don’t come pay a visit and the wife is not home so let’s just jerk off some more!

You know what we call people who think like this? We call these people “I” (no, not just me, dumbass, that’s YOU too). And when I can’t figure this shit out, I freak the fuck out! Surprise! I’m NOT special! My PhD is bullshit Piled high and Deep! (Thanks, Dr. Rau. And no, I never got my PhD, so all of you kind people can stop spreading that rumor around.)

Excellent Stoics, on the other hand, give very few fucks, and they reserve their fucks for only the most important things. They don’t pretend to give a fuck (you ever smiled at someone without feeling like smiling? Yeah. Everyone has.) when they don’t, and they don’t pretend NOT to give a fuck when they actually do. The first group of people, I call FAKE-ASS PEOPLE. The second group of people, I call POSERS.

Let’s review, shall we?

(1) Fake-ass people: These are people who pretend to give a fuck when they don’t.

(2) Posers: These are people who pretend not to give a fuck when they do.

There’s a third thing:

(3) All of us are fake-ass people and posers. As soon as you say you aren’t, you are.

Ever heard anyone call themselves “mature”? Ever think about how immature they sound when they say that?

“I’m mature! My mom thinks I’m more mature sometimes than she is!”

My first girlfriend. (Yeah. I’m quoting you because I find you mature. And I’m doing this also because I’m so fucking immature, which I have been told my many people many times before. Yeah. I shall very immaturely say fuck you. Eat a dick. Eat as many dicks as you want. It’s your life, as you very maturely put it.)

You know what? I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I’m tired. Who cares. I got better things to give a fuck about for now. I’m not even gonna spellcheck this thing. Because I’m special. I have lots of self-esteem. I know that I always spell shit right. ‘Til next time, losers.

Your mature person,

R

Categories: bullshit

Tags: Buddhism, Christianity, fake-ass people, Islam, Judaism, Maturity, philosophy, posers, Stoicism, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck