Dear Principal John,
I regret to inform you that there have been several incidents of student misconduct in our school yet again.
At 10:15 a.m. this Tuesday, four of my students engaged in disruptive behavior for which they deserve detention.
Ninth grader Catherine took out her smartphone during class time for approximately one minute. Upon seeing this, I promptly confiscated her phone, which, because it was unlocked at the time, displayed images and videos of me engaging in obscene acts with you in your office.
I am certain that these images and videos were done with Photoshop and DeepFake, as both you and I know that we have never done such unspeakable things, let alone in your office.
Moments after I confiscated Catherine’s phone, three other students–Sean, Nobert, Ricard–began giggling and then guffawing at something on their phones. I promptly confiscated their phones as well, at which point I witnessed three more DeepFakes of us engaging in other unbiblical acts.
It seems that the sheer enormity of phones, Photoshop, and DeepFake is tearing asunder the very fabric of not just our campus, but society in general. Please make sure that these students are disciplined and spend time serving detention in your office, where they may both figuratively and literally reflect on what they have done and ensure that such misconduct will never reoccur.
P.S. Let’s meet in your office to discuss this problem after school.