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Gay man declares he is confident enough about his homosexuality to dress as if he were straight
HOLLYWOOD—Saying that he doesn’t care what other people say about him, a gay man bravely donned a quintessentially heterosexual black blazer and button-down shirt Friday morning. “I am wearing a heterosexual suit and serving straight up daddy realness,” declared LeBar…. Read More ›
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Thai local likes tourist’s authentic elephant pants and love for Asian culture
Bangkok—After selling green curry and driving a tuk tuk for fifteen years, Thai local Terdsak Pichaironnarongsongkram professed his admiration for tourist Katie Swanson’s authentically Thai elephant pants. “It really breaks up the monotony to see a reasonably attractive Caucasian woman for… Read More ›
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“Robostitutes” are the new black
Last month, a retired philosophy professor asked for a refund because the sex android he bought from us did not “moan and argue like Leibniz.” Yes. There’s a burgeoning market for that kind of thing. The technicians understood Leibniz’s mathematics,… Read More ›
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Not talking to each other key to resolving marital conflicts
Calling each other “irrational” and “annoying,” potato farmer Tom Bruise and his wife Lucy quickly resolved all marital conflicts by not talking to each other. “It totally works,” said Bruise. “Ever since we resolved to shut our respective traps, I’ve… Read More ›
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New movie poignantly captures woes of hapless bald man
Antoine Fuqua, the director of Training Day, has made The Equalizer, an emotional drama based on the life of a depressed bald man. “It’s time for the public to wake up and see just how difficult life can be for the hair-challenged,” said… Read More ›
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University installs bathrooms for students to regurgitate facts and flush knowledge down toilet
Saying he wants to prepare students for the job market, Chancellor Elvis Dumbefore of Hogwash College proudly announced the installation of lavatories where students can puke out information and flush away millennia’s worth of wisdom down the toilet. “At Hogwash,… Read More ›
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A summary of Coco’s gratuitously violent plot (spoilers ahead)
Set in the sleepy Mexican village of Salsipuedes in Baja California Norte, Coco tells the story of a young chihuahua that is abducted by a Mexican cartel. Alonzo, the canine protagonist, is shot with a tranquilizer dart at the beginning of the… Read More ›
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Sexy math man sought by victory sign-holding yacht owners
Though he has had no luck making Tinder matches with girls who don’t hold up victory signs, lonely high school math teacher Suk-Leng Wang 王色龍, 26, has attracted the attention of affluent yacht owners who hold up victory signs for… Read More ›
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Local man farts while talking, remains confident and unfazed
While giving an inspirational speech, successful businessman Ron Gaper reportedly expelled flatus before an audience. “Every day I tried not to think about what would happen if this happened,” Gaper pondered, scratching his chin. “But I eat a lot of… Read More ›
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Sexy math man tired of girls who hold victory signs
Saying that he is tired of Asian girls who hold up victory signs for no reason, lonely high school teacher Suk-Leng Wang 王色龍, 26, embarks on a futile mission to find suitable women online. “It is a sad fact that… Read More ›
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