Category Archives: bullshit

University installs bathrooms for students to regurgitate facts and flush knowledge down toilet

Saying he wants to prepare students for the job market, Chancellor Elvis  Dumbefore of Hogwash College proudly announced the installation of lavatories where students can puke out information and flush away millennia’s worth of wisdom down the toilet. “At Hogwash, we will make higher education relevant again. Students can now gain real world experience and be ready to enter the

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Child suspicious of storks calls bullshit, turns into idiot

When seven-year-old Pubert Babbitt Jr. asked his parents where babies come from, his parents told him about the Stork: “The Stork is a big bird that drops babies into the house,” said Pubert Sr. Thinking that his parents must either be idiots or liars, Pubert Jr. pressed on, trapping them in contradictions and profound philosophical problems. “But where do the

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Professor masters art of filling bookshelf with books he will never read

EVANSTON, IL—A preeminent philosopher at an elite university has perfected the art of haphazardly filling his bookshelf with books he will never read. Jacques Johnson, 63, said, “I have everything here. Like, everything. I’ve got Kant, Locke, Leibniz, Plato, Aristotle, the Presocratics, Russell, Kripke, Anscombe, Searle, Ryle, Ayer, Grice, Frege, and dozens of people who are still alive like Michael

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A sophomoric introduction to bullshit

In college, my adviser introduced me to elementary logic and opened my eyes to the beauty of academic philosophy, at once dispelling popular misconceptions of philosophy as mere intellectual masturbation and adumbrating the hows and whys of the bullshitty things that give philosophy a bad name. It’s been many years since I wrote my last paper on bullshit, and my

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Blogger seeks to regain popularity, writes bullshit

CYBERSPACE—Desperately seeking to regain an audience after going on a one-week hiatus, a blogger begins to post bullshit. College-educated cafe intellectual Ellen Degenerate, 29, had been blogging for two months. In a matter of weeks, the average number of daily visitors to her blog more than doubled (from 1 visitor to 3). Complacent with her success, Ms. Degenerate stopped posting daily, opting

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