Category Archives: Entertainment

New movie poignantly captures woes of hapless bald man

Antoine Fuqua, the director of Training Day, has made The Equalizer, an emotional drama based on the life of a depressed bald man. “It’s time for the public to wake up and see just how difficult life can be for the hair-challenged,” said Fuqua. “As a bald man myself, I can relate.” The movie recounts the life of Tony Delcavoli (Denzel Washington). Lacking confidence

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A summary of Coco’s gratuitously violent plot (spoilers ahead)

Set in the sleepy Mexican village of Salsipuedes in Baja California Norte, Coco tells the story of a young chihuahua that is abducted by a Mexican cartel. Alonzo, the canine protagonist, is shot with a tranquilizer dart at the beginning of the movie. He wakes up in a dingy and severe room hidden under a rundown bar, handcuffed to a wooden bedpost

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Local man farts while talking, remains confident and unfazed

While giving an inspirational speech, successful businessman Ron Gaper reportedly expelled flatus before an audience. “Every day I tried not to think about what would happen if this happened,” Gaper pondered, scratching his chin. “But I eat a lot of apples, and people were flatulent before Freud was born.” Some perceptive members of the audience heard or smelled his gas

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Man who killed Hugh Hefner gets all the girls now

LOS ANGELES—The man who assassinated Hugh Hefner is reportedly cavorting and fornicating with scores of ebullient, barely legal, scantily-clad women who until recently lived with the founder of the Playboy empire. Mike Ehrmantraut, 69, infiltrated the Playboy Mansion in Holmby Hills more than a week ago, using only his wrinkled old fingers as lock picks to break into a secret

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Faithful man enraged that wife is cheating on taxes

NASHVILLE, TN—Suspecting that something funny is going on with his wife, an Internal Revenue Service agent purposefully came home early to catch his wife in the act.  “Motherfucker, I knew you were cheating on your taxes,” he yelled. Salvatore Goodman, 45, noted angrily that his spouse Skyler Beneke did not fill out her Form 1040 properly. “She should have checked

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David Lynch keeps Twin Peaks fans in suspense

LOS ANGELES—To keep Twin Peaks audiences in suspense, David Lynch incorporated a loading screen in Season 3, Episode 8 of the cult TV series. “I’m bucking the conventional cliffhanger and using this cinematographic device I invented at the dawn of the internet. Loading, or “buffering”, screens are an effective way to make your audience want more,” said Lynch. At about

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Meth cook pours acid on invincible cockroach, needs polyurethane container

ALBUQUERQUE—A methamphetamine manufacturer tried to kill a cockroach by means of chemical disincorporation. He failed to do so, and is still looking for a polyurethane container big enough to fit the cockroach. After accidentally breaking a bad fly swatter, Jamie Yeoman, 25, took a bottle of hydrochloric acid off the shelf, squirting it at a gargantuan Madagascar cockroach that contaminated

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