Category Archives: Entertainment

Rain Man annoys hipsters by flawlessly quoting Nietzsche, eats organic tapioca puddings

COLUMBUS—Autistic savant Raymond Babbitt has incensed an exclusive group of hipsters who quote passages from philosophers whom everyone has heard of but doesn’t really understand. “God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him,” he recited repeatedly during poetry night at Kafe Kerouac, Columbus’s ultimate bastion of genuine hipsterdom. “Nietzsche, my main man!” Jealous of Mr. Babbitt’s formidable

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Uninvited guests trade heroin for hamburgers in What Country, CA, carry submachine guns

WHAT COUNTRY, CA—Park Rangers were alerted to two men who traded heroin for hamburgers at a picnic in What Country, California on Saturday afternoon. The Rangers notified What Country Police, who promptly detained a hamburger vendor for questioning. Witnesses reported that the drug dealers at one point brandished submachine guns to threaten hamburger eaters. When witnesses screamed, the two men panicked and drove

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