MIAOLI, TAIWAN—One of the two eggplants that unexpectedly took on a humanoid shape last Friday is slowly regaining its normal hue. In what scientists think is the most curious scientific anomaly of the millennium, two eggplants, named “Vanessa” and “Angel” by… Read More ›
Science
Koala discovers LSD, finds meaning of life
MELBOURNE—A koala suffering from heat stroke fell off a eucalyptus tree and climbed into a zoological laboratory in which he later discovered and ingested Lysergic acid diethylamide, or LSD. Upon ingesting LSD, the koala, named Albert, exited the laboratory and… Read More ›
Eggplants turn into smiling humanoids possibly unfit for human consumption
MIAOLI, TAIWAN—Two seemingly normal eggplants have become so bloated and deformed that they resemble human beings. While scientists call the transformation an “alarming scientific anomaly,” locals call it a “miraculous godsend,” and have given the eggplants honorary titles. Miaoli elementary student… Read More ›
Immaculate conception: male Christians give birth to stellar soccer team
TAICHUNG, TAIWAN—On Sunday, two male soccer coaches at the Morrison Academy gave birth to a stellar soccer team consisting of 19 male teenagers. No sooner had coaches Abraham Sbardolini, 36, and Sera Sera, 48—both of whom were frustrated by what… Read More ›
Study shows 93 percent of international school students have idiopathic hallucinations
URBANA-CHAMPAIGN, IL—A study done at the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign (UIUC) shows that 93 percent of international school students experience hallucinations. The source of these hallucinations has not been determined, but researchers are beginning to suspect that genetics may… Read More ›
Third grader locks himself in Skinner box in failed attempt to achieve enlightenment
TAICHUNG, TAIWAN—While teachers convened in preparation for a PTA meeting, American School in Taichung (AST) 8-year-old student Dustin Huffman sought nirvana in the science lab, to which he gained unauthorized access using a crowbar he had stolen from the general affairs… Read More ›