Category Archives: Sports

Trump plagiarizes Gettysburg Address, delivers formal apology to nation

After his fire-breathing diatribe against the NFL, President Trump issued a formal apology to the American people. Many who heard the speech identified it as Abraham Lincoln’s 1863 Gettysburg Address, which reaffirms such fundamental principles of American democracy as human equality and liberty. “Four scores and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived

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Belligerent Krav Maga master refuses to stop grabbing groins

JERUSALEM—In spite of his students’ complaints, Krav Maga master Eli Gould refused to stop grabbing his students’ groins. Gould, 35, is also a Mossad agent who allegedly killed Hamas operative Mazen Fuqaha in March 2017. In 1976, the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) began a rigorous program that advocated groin-grabbing as an effective offensive strategy, proclaiming it to be indispensable to

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Immaculate conception: male Christians give birth to stellar soccer team

TAICHUNG, TAIWAN—On Sunday, two male soccer coaches at the Morrison Academy gave birth to a stellar soccer team consisting of 19 male teenagers. No sooner had coaches Abraham Sbardolini, 36, and Sera Sera, 48—both of whom were frustrated by what they perceived to be an incompetent soccer team—prayed zealously for a better soccer team than the latter experienced excruciating pain in

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