Dog tells humans exactly what is wrong with ‘good-hearted’ owners

Moved to tears by a movie about a faithful dog, a family finally played with their beagle after ignoring him for months. Disillusioned, the beagle escaped from his owners, who five months later bought another purebred in an attempt to mend their dysfunctional, bleeding hearts. The renegade beagle, Roger, is the only dog in the world capable of experiencing complex

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Politicians applaud fillet-busters used in Chef Ramsay’s kitchen

At a bipartisan dinner at the Hell’s Kitchen restaurant, U.S. Senators applauded Chef Ramsay’s decision to continue the use of fillet-busters. Fillet-bustering is a culinary procedure whereby debate over a proposed piece of boneless meat or fish is extended, obstructing progress in a cooking facility.* The practice is commonly employed in Chef Ramsay’s kitchen, where contestants purposefully prolong heated arguments

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U.S. Department of Education bolsters adult literacy using adult literature

32 million adults in the United States are illiterate, and this statistic has not changed in ten years, according to the U.S. Department of Education. In an attempt to bolster American adult literacy, the federal government is urging educators to promote adult reading materials from across the globe. The new literacy campaign, called “No Adults Left Behind,” brings to the spotlight literary works

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Donald McDonald promises to ‘make America fat again’, invades fatter foreign nations while no one knows what is going on anymore

WASHINGTON—President Clown Donald McDonald, who last year promised to make “America fat again,” sent troops to seize food from foreign countries that the United States deems to be a threat to its status as one of the most obese nations in the world. More than 3,000 troops were deployed on Wednesday to Kiribati, the Marshall Islands, and the Cook Islands,

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Trojans urge angry Michigan State Spartans to make love, not war

EAST LANSING, MI—When Michigan State University’s mascot Sparty propositioned Helen on Wednesday, she rebuffed his advances, saying that they can’t do it if they don’t have protection. Relations between the two nation states have deteriorated, with the Trojans offering love and free condoms in their attempt to appease the Spartans. Having had no luck with the cheerleaders at MSU, the

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