Student’s butt destroys university card, causes all of life’s woes

SEATTLE—After having one too many tacos at the library, a slightly overweight student sat on her university ID, unintentionally snapping it in half with the weight of her buttocks. Noting that her university ID also serves as her dormitory card, credit card, restaurant discount card, and source of self-esteem, Shelby Li, 21, broke down and promptly fell into clinical depression.

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David Lynch keeps Twin Peaks fans in suspense

LOS ANGELES—To keep Twin Peaks audiences in suspense, David Lynch incorporated a loading screen in Season 3, Episode 8 of the cult TV series. “I’m bucking the conventional cliffhanger and using this cinematographic device I invented at the dawn of the internet. Loading, or “buffering”, screens are an effective way to make your audience want more,” said Lynch. At about

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IKEA offers high-quality, unassembled pork chops

SINGAPORE—Hungry IKEA customers can now order a plate of unassembled pork chops made of Scandinavian pine and eco-friendly rubber at any of the furniture brand’s restaurants. “People used to say everything here’s cardboard,” said IKEA CEO Peter Agnefjäll. “But we’ve proved them wrong. Here at IKEA, we are proud to present to you our new line of Nordic-inspired pork dishes,

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