BLOGOSPHERE—Saying that he will kill himself if he doesn’t get more than two ‘likes’, blogger Ronald Dump, 32, went on a massive liking spree in a last-ditch effort to achieve fame and fortune, subsequently developing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. “I spent… Read More ›
SEATTLE—After having one too many tacos at the library, a slightly overweight student sat on her university ID, unintentionally snapping it in half with the weight of her buttocks. Noting that her university ID also serves as her dormitory card,… Read More ›
ALBUQUERQUE—A cactus at Home Depot is fed up with his living condition, and is reaching out to the plant kingdom in the hopes of finding a better home and a succulent lover. Billy, an Opuntia microdasys, has been sitting alone in… Read More ›
SACRAMENTO—Numerous authors have crushed writer’s block by banging their heads against desks, and many of these writers have risen to fame. Touted by the Observer as a “gargantuan-selling writer,” James Patterson advised students in his online MasterClass to bang their heads… Read More ›
DURBAN—A clinically depressed woman who tried to commit suicide by smoking an ounce of marijuana lost her Bic lighter and died “staaaaarving, dude.” The husband returned from work to find his wife, Marjorie Queen, 56, sprawled lifelessly on the living room… Read More ›
MELBOURNE—A koala suffering from heat stroke fell off a eucalyptus tree and climbed into a zoological laboratory in which he later discovered and ingested Lysergic acid diethylamide, or LSD. Upon ingesting LSD, the koala, named Albert, exited the laboratory and… Read More ›
TAICHUNG, TAIWAN—In an effort to combat teenage depression, the city government of Taichung has promised to contribute more than two billion dollars to a high school field trip fundraiser at the American School in Taichung (AST). The government’s largesse comes… Read More ›
The Bald Beagle 