Tag Archives: featured

Teachers spank parents, it totally works

Researchers at Emory University now have concrete proof that teachers who spank their students’ parents consistently obtain positive pedagogical results. “It totally works,” gushed renowned neuroscientist Sanjay Gupta. “When your student misbehaves, just ask for their mother and father and give the two bastards a good old-fashioned sixpack of whoopass. Contrary to popular belief, the brain remains malleable your entire

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Successful blogger laughs hysterically at own posts dozens of times a day

BLOGOSPHERE—Saying that she’s bored of every WordPress blog except her own, successful blogger Sheryl Sans-Blurb reads her own blog posts dozens of times a day, guffawing maniacally between moments of barely suppressed giggles. “I love reading my own stuff because it’s so exciting,” she gushed. “I’m passionate like that.” Sans-Blurb has increased her blog viewership by 1200% using this strategy, and

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Blogger seeks to regain popularity, writes bullshit

CYBERSPACE—Desperately seeking to regain an audience after going on a one-week hiatus, a blogger begins to post bullshit. College-educated cafe intellectual Ellen Degenerate, 29, had been blogging for two months. In a matter of weeks, the average number of daily visitors to her blog more than doubled (from 1 visitor to 3). Complacent with her success, Ms. Degenerate stopped posting daily, opting

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