Tag: obscenity

U.S. Department of Education bolsters adult literacy using adult literature

32 million adults in the United States are illiterate, and this statistic has not changed in ten years, according to the U.S. Department of Education. In an attempt to bolster American adult literacy, the federal government is urging educators to promote adult reading materials from across the globe.

The new literacy campaign, called “No Adults Left Behind,” brings to the spotlight literary works that have “serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value.” To this end, educators encourage adult readers to start with works from Ancient Rome, considered by many to be a more culturally advanced civilization than the not-so-United States of America. So far, the federal government’s efforts to increase literacy have already led to astounding success in the prison population, seventy percent of which is illiterate.

Beagle reporters who visited the Litchfield Penitentiary in New York on Thursday were impressed by how well-read the inmates there have become. One inmate, Piper Chapman, quoted Catullus: “Your ass is purer than a saltcellar, nor do you take a shit ten times in the whole year. When you do, it’s harder than beans and pebbles; and if you rub and crumble it in your hands, you can’t ever dirty a finger.” She added, “Stay at home, and prepare yourself for nine back-to-back fuckings.”

Another prisoner, self-proclaimed poetry professor Alex Vause, recited the words of Martial: “Your little dog licks your mouth and lips, Piper. I am not surprised — it always enjoyed eating shit.” She added, “You are in fact a fucker of women. You dare to rub together two pussies, and your clitoris plays the role of a male.”

Emulating the prison system’s success, high school teachers in the Appalachians have incorporated the Turin Erotic Papyrus and Mozart’s magnum opus, “Leck mich im Arsch” (“Lick me in the Ass”). “Our goal is to make our young adults appreciate the beauty of the written word in different forms,” said Principal Amy Robertson. “Words are everywhere, so books don’t have a monopoly on good literature. Art and music contain quality literature as well. After all, Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize in Literature, right?”

‘I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it’: This is not fake news

“It is the nature of satire that not everyone gets it.” United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, in Farah v. Esquire Magazine (2013)

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”
― Evelyn Beatrice Hall

This post is not satirical.

Regrettably, the type of healthy debate that is indispensable to any free country is oftentimes discouraged. We are afraid to verbally question authority on pain of being locked up, fined, or chastised for being cheeky schoolboys and schoolgirls.

Enough, we say. This site provides a forum in which students, writers, and readers can participate by means of satire in the free marketplace of ideas, and understand the indispensable role that free speech and expression play in a healthy democracy.

The Beagle would like to remind you of a sacrifice that all of us, as responsible citizens, must make in a true democracy. According to the Supreme Court’s decision in Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District (1969), student expression may not be suppressed unless it can be reasonably concluded that it will “materially and substantially disrupt the work and discipline of the school.” Just as importantly, the Court expressed that an interest in suppressing student expression based on a “mere desire to avoid the discomfort and unpleasantness that always accompany an unpopular viewpoint,” or “an urgent wish to avoid the controversy which might result from the expression” does not justify suppression.

Put another way, if we wish to live in a society that protects free speech, we must be prepared to be offended.

Our role at the Beagle is to create not just humor, but to foster a deeper awareness of the thorny terrain of public discourse. Thus, students, writers, and readers are encouraged to think about a multitude of contentious and serious questions. For example, what distinguishes free speech and expression from hate speech?  What distinguishes satire from defamation, libel or slander? When, if ever, is censorship justified? What is the chilling effect? What constitutes obscenity?

In line with our desire to think with students, writers, and readers about satire and free speech, we have made this site a save haven in which anyone can disagree with anyone else about anything. Nothing is censored (for that would defeat the purpose of this site) except the blatantly illegal.

We hope that writers and visitors can benefit from this site, and encourage anyone to participate. Feel free to contact us should you have questions, comments, or suggestions, and All Hail the Beagle.

Parents protest: ‘Our children are too polite’

NASHVILLE—More than 300 parents gathered outside the University School of Nashville on Friday, protesting against the school’s tendency to train students to become too polite. Wielding a giant protest sign, parent Clarisse Gomez said, “Our children become progressively polite, and this leads to a wide variety of problems. They become mindless twats who don’t appreciate the finer things in life, like music, art, literature, cinematography, and George Carlin.”

School officials later made a short, albeit public, apology on the school’s front steps, stating that “we are sorry that we have not done more to prevent your child from becoming another brick in the oppressive wall of thoughtless euphemisms.”

Dissatisfied, parents loudly complained that their children are no longer able to appreciate the cultural significance of “impolite” or “inappropriate” music such as the rap group N.W.A.’s hit “Fuck the Police,” or to understand pieces of timeless literature. “My child accused me of being a potty mouth when she caught me reading Of Mice and Men,” said parent Joy S. Buck. “‘Oh, shoot, Mom. you shouldn’t read Steinbeck,’ she said to me. He says the ‘F’ word.”