Tag Archives: parenting

Teachers spank parents, it totally works

Researchers at Emory University now have concrete proof that teachers who spank their students’ parents consistently obtain positive pedagogical results. “It totally works,” gushed renowned neuroscientist Sanjay Gupta. “When your student misbehaves, just ask for their mother and father and give the two bastards a good old-fashioned sixpack of whoopass. Contrary to popular belief, the brain remains malleable your entire

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Child suspicious of storks calls bullshit, turns into idiot

When seven-year-old Pubert Babbitt Jr. asked his parents where babies come from, his parents told him about the Stork: “The Stork is a big bird that drops babies into the house,” said Pubert Sr. Thinking that his parents must either be idiots or liars, Pubert Jr. pressed on, trapping them in contradictions and profound philosophical problems. “But where do the

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Artistically talented kid squirts ketchup and mustard with impunity, continues to create masterpieces

KANSAS CITY—”Look,” said 10-year-old Marina as she squirted ketchup on the floor. “Jackson Pollock.” But Marina is no Jackson Pollock. In fact, she is better than Pollock. Whereas Pollock’s 1948 masterpiece, “No. 5”, reportedly was sold for 165.4 million dollars in 2006, Tanya’s “No. 500” is estimated to be worth 173 million dollars. The nearly priceless work currently hangs in the Metropolitan

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Parents protest: ‘Our children are too polite’

NASHVILLE—More than 300 parents gathered outside the University School of Nashville on Friday, protesting against the school’s tendency to train students to become too polite. Wielding a giant protest sign, parent Clarisse Gomez said, “Our children become progressively polite, and this leads to a wide variety of problems. They become mindless twats who don’t appreciate the finer things in life,

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