Tag Archives: romance

Twelve-year-old film critic says ‘ew’ to kissing scene

Saying that he would rather witness a live decapitation than watch two people kiss on screen, twelve-year-old film critic Dustin Huffman lambasted the film industry with an interminable slew of “ew”s. “I watched Ready Player One and the book was definitely better than the movie, because there were too many kissing scenes in the movie,” he explained. “Ewwwwww.” In the

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Wife makes historic first visit to husband’s ten-year-old blog

BLOGOSPHERE—Lacking the joie de vivre to take up meaningful hobbies like sewing and spelunking, a woman visited her husband’s blog ten years after its inception. “I had no idea that Ronald has been writing about me,” Sheryl Sans-Blurb, 47, said after reading an article entitled “Wife Makes Historic First Visit to Husband’s Ten-Year-Old Blog”. “Otherwise, I would have visited his blog

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“Robostitutes” are the new black

Last month, a retired philosophy professor asked for a refund because the sex android he bought from us did not “moan and argue like Leibniz.” Yes. There’s a burgeoning market for that kind of thing. The technicians understood Leibniz’s mathematics, but had difficulty with his philosophy. So, I had to explain to them the fundamentals of windowless monads, preformation, and

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Not talking to each other key to resolving marital conflicts

Calling each other “irrational” and “annoying,” potato farmer Tom Bruise and his wife Lucy quickly resolved all marital conflicts by not talking to each other. “It totally works,” said Bruise. “Ever since we resolved to shut our respective traps, I’ve been angrily washing the dishes while she texts her friends, and we get along just fine.” The couple reported increased

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