WASHINGTON—An uptight Trump is begging politicians for political lubrication as the special prosecutor continues to probe him. “It’s a little too rough for me now,” tweeted the President. “There are some bad, bad men who take pleasure in my pain… Read More ›
sex
Russians claim they did not meddle with US presidental erection
WASHINGTON—After President Donald Trump fired FBI Director James Comey, the Putin spokesperson claimed that Russia did not meddle with the 2016 presidential erection. “That’s Trump’s problem,” said Dmitry Prekov, Kremlin Press Secretary. “We have nothing to do with it. We’re sure… Read More ›
Kenny G assaults Delta passengers with nonconsensual sax
Los Angeles—Trapped in an airplane flying at 39,000 ft, Delta passengers failed to escape the unsolicited advances of Kenny Gorelick, more commonly known by his sobriquet Kenny G. The frizzy-haired multimillionaire took advantage of a turbulent flight in which passengers were… Read More ›
Renowned pianist Lang Lang suffers from premature articulation
NEW YORK—A motley crew of musicians and doctors confirmed that world-renowned pianist Lang Lang suffers from premature articulation, a disorder that afflicts more than 3.5 million pianists worldwide. The pianist is the recipient of numerous accolades and has performed for… Read More ›