Though he has had no luck making Tinder matches with girls who don’t hold up victory signs, lonely high school math teacher Suk-Leng Wang 王色龍, 26, has attracted the attention of affluent yacht owners who hold up victory signs for no good reason.
“This is so frustrating,” Wang laments. “No matter where I go, I am beleaguered by individuals who arbitrarily brandish victory signs. Here in Sydney, I was lured onto the yacht of a world-renowned tenor who likes to make victory signs in the Sydney Opera House. He does have Don Perignon, though.”
Wang has updated his Tinder profile picture and changed his self-description to one that more aptly captures his unexampled genius. It states:
Cyberneticists agree that compact algorithms are an interesting new topic in the field of e-voting technology, and cyberneticists concur. Similarly, this is a direct result of the deployment of XML. Nevertheless, a private grand challenge in electrical engineering is the emulation of Bayesian modalities. Therefore, modular archetypes and Moore’s Law are based entirely on the assumption that forward-error correction and redundancy are not in conflict with the simulation of extreme programming.
So far, Wang’s profile has not made much of a difference to his dating life.
“I get a lot of hot girls. But I want a real woman. Right now, I’m still getting a lot of victory sign girls and people making duck faces under the Eiffel Tower,” said Wang, adding, “What decadent times we live in.”
Saying that he is tired of Asian girls who hold up victory signs for no reason, lonely high school teacher Suk-Leng Wang 王色龍, 26, embarks on a futile mission to find suitable women online.
“It is a sad fact that society tolerates Asian girls who flaunt the admittedly repulsive ‘victory gesture’ that has for decades embodied Watergate,” laments Wang. “I deserve better females.”
Wang has created on the popular dating app Tinder a mouthwatering profile consisting of a sensual, shirtless photograph of himself supplemented by a mesmerizing self-description that states,
When there is a classical (intuitionistic) proof of ψ from Δ we say that ψ is classically (intuitionistically) deducible from Δ . Obviously if a conclusion is intuitionistically deducible from certain premises then it is classically deducible from them, since every intuitionistic proof counts as a classical proof according to our definition.
Much to Wang’s chagrin, and despite his unparalleled brilliance and downright sexiness, the only matches Wang has made in the past 12 weeks are with girls who hold up victory signs for no apparent reason.
“I know this overweight gentleman named Richard Wiener who barely graduated from a tier-three university and says stuff like ‘I have a black belt in karate’, and he gets all the girls,” he muses. “And I’m pretty sure he’s a pedophile.”
Ever sanguine and ebullient, the vigorous Wang notes to all non-victory-sign-holding females that he is available, mathematically, emotionally, romantically, and otherwise.
WHITE PINE BAY, OR—Local eye candy Norman Bates cannot believe that he has had no luck on the popular dating app Tinder, despite the fact that he has been right swiping everyone for two months straight.
Seeking romance and adventure, the handsome Bates, 22, began to use Tinder two months ago to look for potential mates. He would be sorely disappointed.
“I even adjusted my settings and maximized the distance and everything, and then I changed it so I’m open to dating people who are up to 99 years old,” he told reporters.
Bates also stated that he is open to meeting both men and women, and he just does not understand why people are not into him. “My mother took all my Tinder photos, so I’m sure they make me look attractive. So why am I still single?” he bemoaned.
Though crestfallen, the White Pine Bay resident clung to a glimmer of hope that he may find a match in a local speed dating event to be held in the White Pine Bay Community College. He stated that, in the meantime, he will “up his game” in Tinder by adding photos that show the deepness and complexity of his intriguing, fun, and multifaceted personality.