Tag: weed

Ohio Residents Celebrate President Trump’s Legalization of Marijuana

by Doobie Man, Jr.

“He made America great again!” said Billie Nelson, as he paused between tokes on his fashionable, hand rolled marijuana cigarette, complete with “hipster tip” as filter.
“I’ve been smoking marijuana for years. But I’ve never witnessed such a jump in the increase of quality until Mr. Trump took office. Sure, I got my hands on some dank nuggets under Obama’s term, but lately, the amount and variety of quality pot has never been better.”
Mr. Nelson is just one of many Ohio residents who, basking in an abundance of fine marijuana, have never been more content with the state of the Union. In fact, on nearly every street corner in Ohio, rural and urban, people may be seen celebrating with a spliff, blunt, joint, or smoking apparatus of some sort.
While for many it seems perfectly clear that President Trump is responsible for this change, others are still skeptical. Ms. Jane, a Columbus native, had this to say about the whole hubbub surrounding Trump and his efforts to “increase the green.”
“Sure. No one can deny that the grass has never been better, greener, etc., but you shouldn’t forget that we are still reaping the long-term results of Obama’s hard work done in support of stoners. Every time Republicans take power, they always try to claim responsibility for the benefits that come from reforms that were actually carried out by the Democrats. Now they say Trump fixed the economy and he’s getting us extra stoned. I don’t buy it!” ejaculated Ms. Jane.
There are even some conspiracy theorists that claim Trump is not “pro-weed.” It seems that only time will tell which president will stand in history as the most plant friendly. But for the moment, Americans may rest proudly in their hammocks, on their lawn chairs and couches, knowing that their own country is number one in terms of quality and quantity of ganja production and enjoyment.

Suicidal woman who smokes weed loses lighter, was ‘staaaaarving, dude’

DURBAN—A clinically depressed woman who tried to commit suicide by smoking an ounce of marijuana lost her Bic lighter and died “staaaaarving, dude.”

The husband returned from work to find his wife, Marjorie Queen, 56, sprawled lifelessly on the living room couch with an empty pack of Doritos still in her left hand, a TV remote control in her right, and an unholy grin on her face. A suicide letter was tucked in her shirt pocket.

The husband said that the suicide letter was a “collection of near-illegible laments that highlighted just how distraught she was.” According to the letter, Mrs. Queen’s last words were: “Where’s my lighter? Who Bic-ed me? I’m staaaaarving, dude.”

Mrs. Queen was under the impression that cannabis is more dangerous and addictive than heroin and methamphetamine. She obtained the marijuana from her son’s room, where she found a Ziploc filled with Durban Poison, a strain of marijuana. Coroners concluded that Mrs. Queen smoked an entire ounce of the high-quality marijuana in 20 minutes.

The federal government warns that, while cannabis does not directly cause death, excessive consumption leads to starvation and extreme fire hazards related to smokers’ inability to find and operate lighters.

bic lighters
Marijuana addicts lose billions of dangerous Bic lighters every year, and die starving with unholy grins on their stupid faces.