Tag: WordPress

Aspiring writer says internet tips on overcoming writer’s block totally inspired him for five fucking minutes

CYBERSPACE–Saying that he has not written anything good in months, aspiring writer Jack Torrance, 41, overcame writer’s block for five fucking minutes after reading internet tips on overcoming writer’s block. “It’s terrific, these YouTube people and shit,” remarked Torrance. “They tell me to write as much as I can and forget about the fame and fortune and to write something rather than nothing, and I’m, like, fuck yeah, let’s write something, motherfucker, and I get excited about writing something for a whole five fucking minutes after hearing these tips.” After five minutes, the positive effects of the internet tips have all but vanished.  In those five minutes of glory, Torrance had managed to write one excellent blog post entitled “Aspiring writer says internet tips on overcoming writer’s block totally inspired him for five fucking minutes.” To celebrate his most recent accomplishments, he has resumed watching Netflix and masturbating to pornography.

Crappy WordPress user decides to write in shitty blog again

CYBERSPACE–After his credit card company mistook a WordPress premium subscription for an “unauthorized transaction,” impoverished WordPress user Ronald Dump decides to write again. “They took away my domain and now I’m left with a shitty blog URL,” lamented Dump. “I pay for the fucking thing every year, but I rarely post anything, so what’s the point?”
After doing some research, Dump discovered that roughly 97.2% of WordPress users have shitty blog addresses and most of them have shitty content that no one bothers to read anyway. “The whole thing is a fucking scam,” he writes, adding that “we write self-indulgent bullshit that no one reads.” Furthermore, WordPress has determined to fine Ronald Dump due to the disputed transaction. Dump, of course, is loathe to pay. “Everybody and their mother owe WordPress some money now,” he muttered under his breath. “Fucking bloodsuckers.”
Dump explains that he’d rather suck on his dog’s nuts than pay another 120 US dollars for a years’ worth of bullshit WordPress privileges, and from now on will remain frugal lest he reneges on his promise to refrain from paying and end up having to lick his dog’s nuts.
As of Wednesday morning, Dump has reneged on his promise not to pay and then coughed up the dough to renew his shitty website. He has not licked his dog’s nuts.